This is one of those not-uncommon occurrences in astrology where the basic elements in a chart don't seem to jive with what behavior we expect to see. We might look at Ellie's chart, and see that she has Sagittarius Rising, for example, and expect that she would greet the world with an adventurous attitude, welcoming the new experiences through change that the mutable signs seem to be comfortable with.
Until, that is, we look more deeply at the south node of the moon. The south node represents feelings, orientations, and behaviors that we might call our spiritual and emotional comfort zone. It can be looked at as the foundation, the baseline of the chart, and the rest of the chart (the planets in the signs and houses) are overlaid on that foundation as the tools we are developing and learning to work with. As we grow, we grow into our charts and learn to use it more effectively by integrating all it represents into a cohesive and complex personality. But in youth, especially in the very young, we are more likely to see the urges and habits of the south node play out in a pure and immediate, even impulsive way.
Ellie's south node is in the sign of Cancer, a sign that places a high premium on
emotional security. Security can come from predictability, or shelter from a loved one, for example. In the 8th house, it emphasizes this need, especially a need to feel protected by others as a dependent.
Mars lies close to her south node and adds its own agenda to the story. You couldn't have said it better when you called Ellie
willful, which is the epitome of a strong Mars. Mars is simultaneously our desire to pursue what we want and defend against what we don't want. In order to defend against what makes her feel insecure, she'll push it away, or in Leo fashion,
demand the offensive suggestion be removed, and a very young child often expresses anger through the very direct method of The Tantrum.
Cancer is an emotionally based sign - it follows its instincts based on what it feels, not only on what does or doesn't make sense, so logical appeals are not likely to be compelling until she's a little older and has more experiences under her belt where change hasn't turned out to be the end of her world. By the time she is 5 or so, she will probably be more adept at learning to delay the immediate reaction of her Mars defense mechanism and access more of her Libra energy, which can be reasoned with in a more intellectual sense.
One technique that may work in the near future is to focus on the exciting experiences she'll have with each change, to get her Sagittarius Moon and Rising sign engaged, but she may be too young yet for that to easily work, or to work all the time. For the time being, as simple as it may sound, it may be useful for all involved to accept that her fist, second, and maybe even third reaction to change will be
no, so allow her to have that and go through the response that erupts from inside her (not allowing her to hit or disrespect others, but allowing her to 'have her say' so to speak) whenever you can. Obviously there are situations where change is spontaneous, and you may have to do the toddler wrestle, but allowing the storm to blow over and continuing to be constant in reinforcing the change can be the best way through. Looking for situations where you can, after the fact, show her how the change worked for her, in an excited way rather than a "see, I told you so" way can continue to lay the groundwork for future flexibility.
She may also respond to the idea of something being in it for her, whatever the proposed change is. I'm not suggesting you bribe her (although obviously a reward system can be beneficial for children) as much as engage her cooperation by showing her what she may have to gain, if it can be identified in a particular situation. It will have to be something clear and immediate though, given her age. Trying something more abstract, like attempting to generate excitement about her 'being a big girl' for example, may backfire right now. While she will grow to be eager to try things, she doesn't
want to be a big girl who is responsible for herself, exactly. She wants to be sheltered, to continue to be the baby who is provided for. She'll need life experiences to learn that being a big girl has its perks, too.
Ultimately, the bottom line is that change can make her feel unsafe, and while she will be
learning compromise as she grows into her Libra planets, she can be rather egocentric in demanding what she wants, when she wants it with Mars' influence. I realize it's an obvious statement to call a toddler egocentric! But hopefully a recognition of that underlying source of wanting to avoid feeling unsafe can help you find ways to help her feel safe through transitions, and to wait out the Leo firestorm of the tantrums.
Thanks for your question, and I hope the answer is helpful!
Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website. If you would like to submit a question for her monthly blog here, email her anytime!
