Thursday, November 03, 2011

Parenting with Astrology: Argumentativeness

Amy Herring has been a professional astrologer for 15 years and a proud mother for 6 of those years. She has joyfully accepted Mlle. Kiddie’s gracious offer to share her thoughts once a month here at Kiddie Star Signs. To find out more about Amy and her personal readings for parents and children, visit her website at

Money and fame don’t solve every problem. Celebrity moms have their hopes and worries for their children too. However, Mlle. Kiddie would like to offer ‘everyday’ moms a chance to see astrology put into action to answer their parenting questions. After all, famous or not, you’re the world to your kids! If you’ve got a question about your child that you’d like Amy to answer, send your questions any time to

Misa writes:
I am wondering why my 8-year-old son, Benjamin, seems to LOVE to argue. Even when he gets his way he seems to continue on (very passionately) about why he deserves to have what he wants. When he adamantly believes he is in the right he will absolutely let you know. He has done this with flight attendants, teachers, sales clerks, etc. He is an active and happy boy and I admire his bravery. I just wonder why he argues so much.

Amy answers:

Benjamin's Sun is in the sign of Aries, as well as his rising sign. The Sun in astrology represents what things are at the core in helping us build a strong ego and sense of identity. The rising sign represents how we 'come at' the world, both in the way that we come across to others and the way that we view the world around us. While not every Aries is bossy or aggressive as their stereotypes suggest, every Aries is learning something about how to assert oneself in the right way, whether it's to defend their personal boundaries by standing up for themselves, or go confidently after their dreams by learning to take action without hesitation.

For Benjamin, a core component of his identity is centered around practicing those lessons focused around assertiveness, and part of the source of argumentativeness, I would expect, comes from a need to make it clear that He Is Here, World! With both his Sun and Ascendant in Aries, he gets a double dose of this passion. His Sun is also in the first house, which is the house of self (as opposed to the seventh house, the house of partnership). He is naturally inclined to take up his share (or more) of space in the world, and is more focused on that outgoing energy than he is in making room for others. Quite likely, he will simply expect that others do the same by looking out for themselves. This isn't a malicious intent, merely a focus that sometimes excludes the awareness of his impact on others, as first house planets can tend to do.

Mars, the planet of action and will, is in Capricorn, a very driven and focused kind of energy, and it forms a square with his Sun; there's extra tension in him to defend his boundaries, and he may have a hair trigger here, with a heightened sensitivity to things that might trample his boundaries, which may be where some of the 'overkill' of continuing to argue is reflected.

Benjamin is also simply going to love to debate with his Moon in Gemini. Gemini has a joy of collecting information and turning it around in their mind and on their tongues until they've seen and communicated every angle (often more than once!) He isn't always looking for resolution of opinions as much as he might be enjoying the thrill of the debate. However, the great amount of Aries and Mars energy tends to give it that pushy edge that can overwhelm or frustrate others, and make him more unwilling to hear their points of view.

He may also be threatened by other points of view. The issue runs deeper into his chart, with Pluto in Sagittarius in his 9th house, and a Sagittarius south node. Pluto can represent the nature of our fears and what we may be heavily attached to in order to avoid facing those fears, like a security blanket. In Benjamin's case, the attachment is to certain ideas, beliefs, and concepts (Sagittarius, 9th house), and these are strong habits and comfort zones to his soul (south node in Sagittarius). Therefore, whatever opinions he forms via his life experiences or thought processes, he is likely going to want to cling to them.

His Saturn is in the sign of Gemini, and it's forming an opposition to Pluto in Sagittarius. Saturn represents things that are challenging for us to do and where we tend to have confrontations with external authorities and reality in general if we get too stuck and stubborn. This configuration in his chart illustrates a difficulty in recognizing that there may be more than one right answer, that different perceptions can be just as true as his, even if they seem contradicting. With his Gemini moon's love of information gathering, it'll help him to take in sometimes conflicting information and let it bounce around in his head, but it'll be hard work (Saturn) to allow it to change his perceptions and beliefs, so it can feel threatening. This will be doubly true if it's coming from someone else, because he'll have that tendency to want to defend himself from what he perceives as a threat to his intellectual 'security blanket.'

Because Benjamin has been gifted with such a strong will, he may sometimes learn to be more intellectually flexible when ideas or people crash through his intellectual boundaries, which won't typically be a pleasant experience. Seeing examples of others' being able to entertain points of view other than his own, especially examples of people he respects having the humility to do so, can be helpful over time. Also, channeling this natural, albeit zealous, talent into debate classes or something of that sort later on in school might be a great outlet, while also helping him learn the finesse and skills of discussion and debate rather than simply the brute strength of argument.

His chart doesn't show much in the way of needing to learn partnership and teamwork specifically, so other than those being basic, great life skills that everyone should learn to some extent, he certainly is here to take initiative, build and prove his strength in a lot of ways, so he's on the right track. He's just riding a bucking horse that he may have a hard time managing and may run others down sometimes!

One last thing: his Venus lies in Pisces, so his empathy for others can be appealed to if you can get through with an emotional appeal, but it might sometimes be after the defenses have been up, which can be more challenging since the passion of his responses to threats are impulsive and immediate, and he may attack before he's been able to calm down.

Thanks for your question!

Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website. If you would like to submit a question for her monthly blog here, email her anytime!

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