Sunday, October 03, 2010

Parenting with Astrology: Sibling Hierarchy

Amy Herring has been a professional astrologer for 15 years and a proud mother for 5 of those years. She has joyfully accepted Mlle. Kiddie’s gracious offer to share her thoughts once a month here at Kiddie Star Signs. To find out more about Amy and her personal readings for parents and children, visit her website at

Money and fame don’t solve every problem. Celebrity moms have their hopes and worries for their children too. However, Mlle. Kiddie would like to offer ‘everyday’ moms a chance to see astrology put into action to answer their parenting questions. After all, famous or not, you’re the world to your kids! If you’ve got a question about your child that you’d like Amy to answer, send your questions any time to

Erin writes:
My daughter, Anastacia, is being ... not bullied, but she SO wants to please her sister that she'll do or say anything for her. She hasn't even worn any of her new clothes that she got for her birthday because Madison guilt trips her about it, that it's "not fair" because Madison doesn't have new clothes.

We've been trying to work with Anastacia to not be such a doormat to her sister. She's VERY creative and imaginative but her little flame seems to be quite dimmed when she's around Madison. If she's asked a question, she looks to Madison either for the answer or to see if it's ok to answer. She just loves and idolizes Madison so much that she won't/ can't stand up to her.
In general, Madison is a VERY sweet girl. She's been having a hard time with her biological mom lately and feeling guilt about wanting to live with her dad and me. She just wants to please everyone. I guess I'm wondering if there's anything that we should be doing for her that could make the transition easier or make her feel less guilty.

This is a dual question with multi-faceted answers, so I’ll try and concentrate on the primary influences at work in the situation between the sisters. First, we’ll take a look at each daughter in their own right, learning about their individual motivations and needs, and then look at some of the connections between the sister’s charts that might illuminate the dynamic between them.

Madison entered this life with a south node in Aquarius, and Uranus very close to her south node. The south node in a chart reveals something about the condition of our soul’s perspective as we enter this life. The rest of the chart shows us how to get some perspective and loosen up some of the challenges that the south node carries with it. Aquarius means a lot of wonderful things, one of them being that she can be rather independent and individualistic, but there’s also a likelihood, especially in hearing her situation, that she inherently feels like an ‘outsider’. She literally is in the situation with you – she is the ‘other mother’s daughter’ while everyone else in the family is fully biologically related. This is not at all necessarily indicative that you don’t love her as your own—it is a function of Madison’s inherent makeup upon entering this life and how it interacts with any situation she finds herself in life. This may not be different as in being weird or deformed, just a subtle feeling of being set apart from others.

One way she may cope with feeling different or like an outsider, especially if she feels like she’s not in control or she’s powerless in anyway (like she might feel at her biological mother’s house), she will defend herself with Mars in Scorpio in her 2nd house. Scorpio is a sign that often sees more than others do and can see what’s going on beneath the surface of a situation or a person’s behaviors to see through to their true motivations. It doesn’t mean they can read minds or that they’re necessarily ‘evil geniuses!’ But they can sense there is ‘something more than there appears to be’ and will poke at the surface to see what lies underneath. She may be good at manipulating others, even if there is no malicious intent, just curiosity and self-protection.

In general, over her lifetime she’s learning more authentic self-acceptance and self-celebration which will make her less insecure about what others think of her or feeling different and not measuring up.

Anastacia entered this life with a Capricorn south node which can mean lot of things as well, but looking at the rest of Ani’s chart, it looks like she may tend to take too much responsibility for things onto her small shoulders, and feel like she has to restrict herself or keep herself in check. One of the archetypal images for Capricorn is the hermit because Capricorn tends to keep to itself and not be very demonstrative. She can also be very concerned about what others think of her – perhaps not in the same way that Madison is in whether or not she fits in, but more in the sense that she wants others to think she is good and respectable and appropriate. She’s sensitive to the rules and regulations, whether they are literal or cultural, about how to live life right and obediently. She can often impose judgments on herself about her simple natural expression of who she is and may hold back any exuberance or spontaneity with second-guessing and caution.

She has Saturn in Gemini in the 10th house opposite her Pluto, which can indicate a feeling of being fearful or wounded by “those in the know” – people who appear to be authorities (teachers, big sisters, what have you) and tell her ‘how it is’, overriding her own gut experience of her encounters with truth and her ability and confidence to decide for herself what she thinks is right. Learning to question authorities, not out of rebelliousness alone but out of a desire to get to the truth and respect her own truth-finding process is also on her plate as she grows. Just because someone has a college degree or is older or things like that, doesn’t mean they are smarter than her or that their opinions are more valuable than hers, necessarily—this is something she’ll be learning into adulthood.

The rest of Ani’s chart seems to point to her learning to let go of some of that self-imposed restriction, which will develop over time as she gains more confidence in herself (a lesson which will continue into adulthood), if that’s a comfort!

In the case of both girls, Mercury plays an important role in their own chart – which is the planet of the mind and voice. What our opinions, beliefs, and perceptions are as well as how we express them is governed by Mercury. In Madison’s case, it’s conjunct her Sun and right on the 7th house edge, indicating a need to be heard and feel validated by others. In Ani’s case, it’s square to each of her nodes and in the 2nd house, so she is learning to value her voice and her perceptions. However, in Libra, she may often hesitate before she speaks as if checking to make sure what she’s about to say will be agreeable and neutral enough to not offend anyone.

When looking at both of their charts together and how they interact, they each have Mercury opposed the other’s Mercury, so they’ll express their opinions and ideas in very different ways and styles, typically, but there may also be a subtle, underneath the awareness, energetic ‘tug-of-war’ between them about who gets to speak. Madison’s Sun is close to her own Mercury, so it’s also opposed Ani’s Mercury. The Sun has a lot of weight, so there may be a sense of a natural ‘dominance’ or ‘authority’ that Ani feels toward Madison, not to mention that Madison is older and so Ani may see her as an authority in that way as well (I refer you back to the previous paragraph about Saturn and Pluto in Ani’s chart).

So how to help? My hunch is to focus less on the dynamic between the girls when addressing the problem and work on the girls’ individual issues. I might be surprised to find that Ani only does this with her sister, for instance, so helping her build confidence and let go of fears that others’ won’t like or respect her if she ‘lets loose’ (without forcing her to do so) may help overall. Ani’s learning to be her own person but is a little afraid of the approval or disapproval of others, as well as stepping on their toes (Venus opposite Neptune). As for Madison, you may want to address, as much as you can, the feelings that might be prompting her to be inclined to ‘outshine’ Ani. Madison’s Moon and Jupiter in Aries can have her inclined to take up a lot of space, energetically speaking, and getting her to dim that will certainly backfire in several ways, but helping her empathetically understand what her subtle, though not malicious, manipulations of Ani do to her can get her compassionate Pisces Sun engaged and help her be more aware.

As far as helping Madison with feeling guilt, I'd also suggesting targeting her empathetic Pisces Sun: perhaps help her understand, not intellectually but through the heart, what it feels like to be a mom, and that most moms just want their children to be happy. I'm not sure what the specifics are with her biological mom, but perhaps if it's feasible, she can be made to see how punishing herself with guilt is the last thing a mom would truly want for their child. You can also speak directly to her Aries Moon by helping her to recognize that it's actually part of her job as a human being to take care of herself and her emotional needs, because she's the only person on earth most qualified to do so, and it's a good thing to do that job well!

Good luck and thanks for your question!

Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website.
Thanks For Making This Possible! Kindly Bookmark and Share it.

Technorati Digg This Stumble Stumble Facebook Twitter