Sunday, December 05, 2010

Parenting with Astrology: Discussing The Hard Topics

Amy Herring has been a professional astrologer for 15 years and a proud mother for 5 of those years. She has joyfully accepted Mlle. Kiddie’s gracious offer to share her thoughts once a month here at Kiddie Star Signs. To find out more about Amy and her personal readings for parents and children, visit her website at http://heavenlytruth.com.

Money and fame don’t solve every problem. Celebrity moms have their hopes and worries for their children too. However, Mlle. Kiddie would like to offer ‘everyday’ moms a chance to see astrology put into action to answer their parenting questions. After all, famous or not, you’re the world to your kids! If you’ve got a question about your child that you’d like Amy to answer, send your questions any time to amy@heavenlytruth.com.

Michelle writes:
"My daughter's father is terminal with liver disease. She and her father have not been close (she loves him but does not like him) but I would like to know how best to handle this with her. I have not told her yet. She knows he is very ill. So, I need to know how to deal with now and later."
With her Sun in Gemini and Moon in Virgo, she probably tends to intellectualize her emotional reactions to things or go straight to analysis and problem-solving, so I suspect that the actual telling will go not too badly. For her comfort, explaining the situation from the angle of his health limitations and logically may be the best approach. You don't have to be unfeeling or totally clinical, but just something along the lines of "you know your father is very sick, and the doctors feel that his body is exhausted..." etc., as opposed to a more feeling approach such as "I know you love your father but he can't be with you anymore." In the first example, you're looking more at the problem which a Virgo Moon can relate more to, rather than the person leaving and the shock of that (which ultimately will need to be acknowledged, of course).

Many things in her chart indicate that she's here learning to believe in and focus on herself and develop a strong will and strong identity, which is necessary for her growth because with her south node in Pisces in her 7th house, she's very empathetic and very easily drawn into the point of view and emotional agenda of others, especially those she loves. This can tell us a lot about her, but relative to your conversation with her, it's important to note that however you are feeling at the time you tell her, she will pick up on. So what you're telling her should resonate with how you're feeling or she'll pick up on the discordance. I say this only because sometimes it's tempting for us humans to deliver difficult news in a light-hearted tone to try and minimize the impact and that often doesn't work and won't work in this instance especially, as she'll be very tuned into what emotional signals you are sending, whatever they are.

The emotional impact of this news will probably catch up with her as she processes the impact of the news, and it is then that you'll want to be on the lookout for behavioral signals of that impact. With Pluto in her hidden 4th house, they may be difficult to spot. It's likely that she'll bury the actual feelings of woundedness or powerlessness or fear and try to be more matter of fact and logical about things consciously. Subconsciously, these feelings may filter up to the surface in the form of anger. Aside from the obvious idea of the 5 Stages of Grief and anger being one of those steps, her Mars, the planet of anger (among other things) is tightly opposed Pluto. So the more wounded, helpless, or fearful she feels, the more anger and battles of will and things of this nature will surface as outlets. Obviously therapy can be a good suggestion in these situations, but even more so in this case, because to get to the real feelings and not just the defenses will be a real challenge for her (and you) to do.

Be on the lookout for signals that she's feeling somehow guilty or that she should be able to fix or help the situation (such as children often try and do with trying to be 'good kids' and not cause any stress or other examples). It's difficult on a Virgo moon child, who's built to serve, help, and control to a certain degree, to cope with helplessness. With her Pisces south node in the 7th house, she may have some codependent tendencies and want to be a caretaker for you and/or her father. Whatever you can do to help her walk the fine line between feeling like she's helping and supporting without taking on obligation or guilt for not actually being able to change the result of her father's situation will be key.

You have my sympathy for the challenging situation you are in and I hope this information is helpful!

Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website.
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